I was raised in a family that succeeded by trying to show the world how smart, or ingenious we each were. We seemed to love to lay one line put downs on each other to show how quick and smart we were. As I was developing my skill as a psychotherapist, one of my teachers asked me, “must you always try to inject your brilliance?” “Would it be possible for you to allow your client to unwrap the meaning of their own situation first?” “What do you think would happen if your asked them about the meaning they make, rather than giving the meaning your ingenuity makes?” This series of questions was very difficult for me to hear, and it changed my life as a therapist and person. The urge to be ingenious or show how smart I am is still something that I struggle with, especially in unknown situations.
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